The Hidden Cost of Silence

In About Men, Gretel Ehrlich dispels the idea of the cowboy as a stoic, emotionless man, and instead finds a man honed by solitude and an unwritten code of restraint. Though cowboys face loneliness on the open range, their difficulty with vulnerability is an indicator of a larger problem for men today. Whether in rural landscapes or urban jungles of the world today, numerous men exist in emotional isolation, too often replacing strength with silence.

This is not just a cultural observation, it is a public health emergency. A report from the U.S. Surgeon General in 2023 determined that 50% of adults have significant levels of loneliness, with its health effect being equivalent to smoking 15 cigarettes per day. Men specifically are less inclined to get help, with merely 59.3% of depressed men seeking help, as opposed to 71.4% of women. As Ehrlich's cowboys show concern through actions instead of words, putting themselves at risk to rescue an injured animal but finding it hard to talk about their emotions, many men today use stoic silence, too often at great expense.

Silent suffering is shown in high suicide rates. Close to 80% of suicides are made by men, according to the CDC, with middle-aged men most at risk. The expectation to embody toughness, whether in ranching, construction, or business management, scares off many from seeking help. Just as a cowboy needs to adjust to unpredictable terrain, men should be taught that emotional toughness includes openness. The starting point for ending the cycle of isolation is redefining what toughness is.